Creating Space for Pride: Why LGBTQIA+ Pride Matters for Mental Health and Human Rights

Given that I’m a lesbian and a therapist, I thought it would be easy to write a blog post about Pride and mental health. Then I tried to begin, and it was overwhelming to decide what to focus on specifically and to think about my intended audience. Would it be aimed at the LGBTQIA+ community as a message of solidarity? Would it be addressed to those who are allies wanting to provide support? Or, would it be created for those who are least likely to read it?---those who are homophobic, discriminatory, or who are calling for a “straight pride.” 

Reflecting on the Purpose of Pride

Ultimately, I decided this post is for anyone willing to set aside judgements and preconceived notions of me long enough to read what I’ve written. As I wrote it, I challenged myself to set aside my own preconceived notions of the populations who might be reading this. It is through the social work tenet of “unconditional positive regard” that I view my audience, not just those who look like me or want to support me, but those who I may otherwise wrongly assume are “against me.” What if I approached this population with curiosity? Instead of assuming close-mindedness or malintent, I could enter with not only a neutral stance, but a positive one.

This year, more than ever, I’ve seen calls for a “straight pride.” This is also the first year that I’ve seen a straight pride flag. Taking off my “lesbian hat” for a moment (you get one free after you’ve attended an Indigo Girls concert wearing Birkenstocks) and thinking about the call for straight pride, I can understand where it is coming from. Or at least, where I think it might be coming from. I’ll explain with an analogy. 

Understanding the “Straight Pride” Perspective

Let’s pretend that people with green eyes have been having a parade since, oh, let’s say the 1970s. Over the decades, that parade has become increasingly popular. Suddenly, it seems that green-eyers are everywhere. They dress head to toe in green to celebrate. They carry green flags. Businesses put up green signs specifically welcoming them. Well, it would make perfect sense that people with brown eyes would start to feel excluded, overlooked, and sick and tired of people with green eyes getting all the attention and cute merch. Finally, they have had enough - that’s it - we are starting our own brown eye parade! That makes total sense. Why wouldn’t we have a parade and a pride month for people with brown eyes, too!

Where this analogy falls apart or doesn’t quite fit, is that there is a fundamental difference between people with green eyes and queer folks (well I’m sure there could be a lot of differences, and the two categories are certainly not mutually exclusive, but bear with me). No one (at least to my knowledge) has ever gone to jail for having green eyes. But people have gone to jail for being queer. No one has been diagnosed with Green Eye Disorder, but folks were diagnosed with homosexuality as a sociopathic personality disturbance.

Why LGBTQIA+ Pride Is About Survival, Not Superiority

Here’s where I’ll draw upon the genius of Anthony Venn-Brown, an author, LGBTQIA+ advocate, and former evangelist. If you want to learn more about him, here’s a succinct yet expansive history. Venn-Brown states: “When you hear of Gay Pride, remember, it was not born out of a need to celebrate being gay. It evolved out of our need as human beings to break free of oppression and to exist without being criminalized, pathologized, institutionalised, or persecuted . . . Instead of wondering why there isn't a straight pride, be grateful you have never needed one.”

What’s really going on with LGBTQIA+ pride, as Venn-Brown so eloquently states, is so much more than a celebration of being queer. Celebration is just a piece of it, and what we are celebrating is our survival. We are celebrating our hard-fought rights, though they are still in question. If we had these rights all along, if we were safe all along, we never would’ve needed to start Pride. If homophobia and transphobia never existed and if all types of human sexuality and gender expression were respected all along, we would not have a need for Pride.

Some heterosexuals have viewed LGBTQIA+ pride without the context of rights. Doing so, it makes perfect sense why they want a straight pride-why not celebrate them too? But when we think about the lack of rights of the LGBTQIA+ population, rights historically enjoyed without question by cisgender heterosexuals, then it starts to make sense why Pride exists and why straight and cis pride do not. It exists not to shun or exclude those who are cisgender and/or heterosexual, but because those of us who happen to be outside of those populations have been, for a very long time, lacking rights.

Charlotte Shuber, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist at Creating Space Therapy, reflecting on the meaning of Pride and the power of visibility.

When Equality Isn’t Equal: Rights and Recognition

The rights we are seeking are rights that heterosexual, cisgender individuals have always possessed. Straight marriage is not up for debate, and yet same-sex marriage has been. Cisgender affirming care isn’t up for debate, while transgender affirming care is in question.

Here’s what inequality of rights looks like in a real-life example. I have two siblings. It just so happened that all three of us siblings ended up having our weddings in 2012, all within three or so months. At that juncture, my heterosexual siblings each married their respective spouses. I, however, in a lesbian relationship, was not legally married, despite having a wedding. Not because I didn’t want to be married, but because it was not an option for me. I was in a civil union. I could not be married until 2013 after the Defense of Marriage Act was ruled unconstitutional. My siblings had no barrier to marrying their spouses. It was a non-issue for them. I participate in Pride because I think that being able to marry the love of my life, who just so happens to be the same gender, should also be a non-issue for me.

Mental Health and the Cost of Oppression

So, where does mental health come into the conversation about Pride? To aid in this discussion, let’s first examine privilege. I have white, cis, able-bodied, educated, middle-class privilege. I do not have male or heterosexual privilege. Because of my privilege, I do not carry the same weight of discrimination that transgender folks or people of color face. Whereas I have faced sexism and homophobia, others have also faced racism, transphobia, and ableism. Intersectionality acknowledges that there are cumulative effects of overlapping forms of discrimination based on aspects of our identities, including race, gender, and sexuality. I mention intersectionality to acknowledge that there are overlapping forms of discrimination that those in the queer community face depending on their gender identity, race, and other identities. It’s important to recognize that someone like myself, for example, a white, cisgender, lesbian, has a different experience with discrimination than someone who is transgender, or someone who is black, or someone who is black and transgender.

Even as someone with a large amount of privilege, I have felt the negative impact on my mental health of anti-gay, homophobic rhetoric. Both from the world at large and within my own family. It’s not easy to come out. Sometimes, as in my own case, you hold it in for years. And throughout those years, you may feel you have to hide because you have no other choice, you may feel unsafe, you may feel anxious. It’s not a stretch to imagine that queer folks may experience anxiety and low-self esteem or even suicidal ideation. When you look at the world around you and you see messages like “you’re going to hell”, “you’re evil”, “it’s dangerous to have children around you”, “you’re a predator,” it’s hard not to internalize that even when you know it’s not true. Our mental health is impacted on both a mundane, everyday level and a more pervasive and serious level, too. For example, I don’t feel safe holding my wife’s hand in certain settings where I might not think twice if I had a husband instead. I stayed in the closet until I was financially secure in case my parents no longer wanted to support me. To their credit, my parents fully accept me and my wife now, though that was not always the case. We have made progress. It had also felt like we had made progress as a nation in terms of being less discriminatory toward the queer population. But lately, it feels like there is a new wave of oppression. 

The Power of Pride as a Healing Space

Pride is a place where we can feel free to be ourselves without oppression. And such a place is something that every human being deserves. Queer folks have had to create that space. And we have built it not to exclude heterosexuals or cisgender folks, but because we have been excluded in spaces that they have built through threatened or actual violence. Pride isn’t just a month or a parade, it’s a space that’s affirming where our joy is welcomed and we are celebrated. For anyone who is struggling with anti-LGBTQIA+ discrimination, the effects on mental health can be pervasive and deadly. It’s moments of light and support, like we feel during Pride, that can serve as a protective factor and reinvigorate us to continue our fight. Pride is more than rainbows, Pride is life-saving.

Let's Connect

If you are navigating the weight of discrimination, identity, or emotional pain and need a safe space to process it, we are here for you. At Creating Space Therapy, our LGBTQIA+ affirming therapists offer compassionate, trauma-informed support. Whether you are ready to begin therapy or simply need someone to walk beside you, we invite you to connect with us. You deserve to feel seen, supported, and whole.